[15:39] < *** > don’t you think its unfair?
[15:41] < ME > What’s unfair about it? Wouldn’t one think that it’d be respectful to ask if one would care to chat before invading their privacy or interrupting what they are already doing?
[15:42] < *** > True, but one should be polite as well
[15:42] < ME > What’s the point? Blunt is often more well received than polite.
[15:43] < *** > hmm I meant to say why wasting time in argument when we can spendsome moments together?
[15:44] < ME > I have no time for you. You are obviously male, obviously Dominant, neither fitthe bill of what I make time for.
[15:44] < *** > ah why do you see things just from one side… We can talk about somethinggeneral… It is not like I am going to see you under my boots
[15:45] < ME > This is a bondage server, perhaps I’m not here for general conversation. If I was, there are plenty of other chat sites for that.
[15:46] < *** > True.. but it sounds like you are an online woman who visits here to play and get soaked…
[15:50] < *** > Is it?
[15:50] < ME > What would it matter? I am not interested in you, general conversation or otherwise.
[15:51] < *** > Yea but if it is right what i said, it shows you are very lonely in real life…
[15:51] < ME > You know absolutely nothing of me or my life. So to judge me based on a simple statement shows just how sad and pathetic your own existance is.
[15:52] ->> Added *** to Ignore list

One of the things about spending time on IRC that irritates me to no end. For as open-minded of a community as it is, the people involved continually prove exactly how narrow minded people can be. Many people want to see things as black and white, rather than the many shades of gray that exist in BDSM. For instance, tonight, the comment was made as such:
[00:24] < ----- > Domme .. A Domme calls a submissive ‘Theirs’ however the submissive can not referr to her as Mistress.. can someone explain the dynamics?
[00:27] < ----- > As a Domme.. if I call someone mine, they are mine … so how can they be mine, if I am not their mistress?

Now, I’ve been around the lifestyle a long time and I’ve seen many different relationship dynamics. Everyone enters D/s in their own way. You can’t judge another’s relationship based on your own personal criteria. I believe that you can be whatever you want to be, as long as you are with a like-minded person.

I can claim someone as mine without being their Mistress. Mistress is sacred, something to be built towards. She is mine, I protect her, I care for her, but I do not own her. We are building something together. Perhaps one day she’ll wear my collar, perhaps I’ll be her Mistress. But that will depend on how things go.

Please do not judge others by the criteria you set for yourself. Everyone is different, it’s one of the great things about life.

[12:58] Name Removed: but as an american…i hate this country
[12:59] Me: So leave.
[12:59] Me: Canada is nice, they say.
[12:59] Name Removed: yeah you know what give me the money to move an i will
[13:00] Name Removed: which includes getting me a new job a place to live and the right to live in a country other than this one
[13:02] Name Removed: now beyound that …. i will continue to bitch about america if i want… cause im a legal resident born here i didn’t ask to be here so its my god given right to bitch…
[13:03] Me: And it’s my god given right to tell you to stfu and do something about it if you hate it so much.

I don’t get it, really. I don’t care for the government, don’t agree with the politic, but I wouldn’t really want to live anywhere else but here. The worst part is that this was on IRC.. in a bdsm room

[10:32] < oskar_2 > are you. well may i ask Miss Bella?
-
[12:50] < obstinate > Whereabouts in Europe are You ***, if I may ask?

Okay, I have no problem with submissives that are polite. I love manners, but what’s the point of the ‘may I ask?’ when the question has already been asked? How about ‘if you don’t mind?’ That’s far more polite. Kind of hard to take back a question that’s already been asked, don’t you think?

But that’s just me. I’m cranky, bitter, bitchy and jaded.

BDSM Safety: Subspace and After Care
For those who are new to the BDSM lifestyle, there are certain aspects of a scene that aren’t fully understood until it is too late. One such aspect is subspace, also referred to as subdrop. Subspace is a metaphor for the state of mind for a submissive.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/403110/bdsm_safety_subspace_and_after_care.html

BDSM Safety: Hard Limits, Soft Limits
By definition, a limit is a point at which something terminates. In the BDSM lifestyle, limits are considered hard and soft limits.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/423523/bdsm_safety_hard_limits_soft_limits.html

BDSM Submissive VS. Slave: Is There a Difference?
In a lot of circles, the terms submissive and slave are used interchangeably. In others, submissive is designated as a different level of submission than a slave is.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/376732/bdsm_submissive_vs_slave_is_there_a.html

BDSM: When is it Kinky Sex and when is it Abuse?
One of the biggest myths about BDSM is that Dominants are just abusers using the lifestyle to make excuses for their behavior. This isn’t the case for the majority of people who enjoy the lifestyle, there are those who do hide behind kink to abuse their partners.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/372794/bdsm_when_is_it_kinky_sex_and_when.html

BDSM Safety: Using Safe Words
Have you ever been in the middle of some hot sex and all of the sudden it goes to far? You tell your partner to stop or say no and they listen (or should at least) and stop. BDSM scenes work much the same way, but in some cases no and stop don’t truly mean no or stop.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/373124/bdsm_safety_using_safe_words.html

Being a Switch: Submissive and Dominant
This is the next in my series of bdsm lifestyle editorials. This one is on being a switch and whether they have the best of both worlds.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/26650/being_a_switch_submissive_and_dominant.html

The Bottom Topping Submissive
This article is another in my bdsm lifestyle series. This editorial is in regards to the problem of the submissive who tops from the bottom.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/26644/the_bottom_topping_submissive.html

Submissive Relationships
This article is just some of my views on submssion, from a general perpective, as well as a personal level. Too many people view BDSM as a kinky bedroom play, but to many people it is so much more than that.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/23112/submissive_relationships.html

[01:30] <Ahriman> Well forgive Me, but I hate lesbians that are also Man haters.
[01:30] <Bella`> No, it’s not that I’m a man hater, I just can’t fucking stand you.

No, fuckface, it’s not men that I hate.  It’s just you.  I’m not even a lesbian, so it amuses me even more.  I’m bi-sexual, polyamorous, very much happily married to a man.  I just don’t appreciate random dickheads who seem to think that they rule the universe nibbling on me.  I knew who he was, but he seems to fail to comprehend that not everyone likes him.

I don’t understand the logic that some people exert.
How many fights have we had? More than one.
How many times have I told you off? More than once.
So why continue to even acknowledge me? He thinks he’s king of the universe.

Now, I can’t even go into the channel to see my friend.  It makes me sad, but he’s her protector, so he will be there.  And I won’t make her choose between him and me. Perhaps when she no longer needs his protection, I can return.  One can hope at least.  Until then, goodbye, my friend.

It’s one thing to be funny, but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to be completely, totally and utterly obnoxious. Sometimes, people fail to realize when they’ve crossed the thin line between the two. Unfortunately, once the line has been crossed, it’s hard to uncross.

Tonight, it was crossed. Irrevocably crossed. I am tired of getting nagged at or ‘picked on’ for my role play of carrying a blade. It’s part of my persona, it always has been. That and my blue velvet cloak. Tonight, it got to the point where I can no longer tolerate the picking at. Do not accuse me of scaring people off when it has nothing to do with me. I’ve had enough of being the scapegoat because others can’t handle who I am.

Take responsibility for your own fears, leave me the fuck alone.

You know, it makes me sad that I’m going to have to leave the channel that I’d enjoyed taking part in, but I can’t continue to sit back and watch the double standards, the inconsistent channel management and complete and total crap that continues to happen day in and day out. I’ve seen Gorean girls get told that they are not allowed to express themselves as they have been trained, I have seen Gorean Masters and FreeWomen yelled at for greeting with the standard Gorean greeting. Then on the flip side, I have seen Goreans told that they are free to express themselves and act as they would. There’s a whole lot of double standards right there from the get go.

I’ve seen other examples of the same thing. One person is told they can do one thing, while others are told they can’t. Some couples can get overly intimate in the channel and never be told that they need to take it to the lounge, yet someone does something completely harmless, such as dance to the music that the channel radio station is playing and gets yelled it. It’s ridiculous.

When I first started visiting the channel, there was no drama, the people were fun, the conversations were great. Then things started going down hill fast. People were made to feel like they were no longer welcome in the channel for whatever reason. People were suddenly treated like lepers. People started vanishing even. It’s gotten worse and worse. I am seriously sad about it because I still enjoy some of the people that call it home.

*lesigh*

It seems like a lot of the time, online collars are made of velcro. It also seems like no one cares to make an attempt to get to know someone before diving into a collar. Is it hard to get to know someone? Can you not spend time with someone and get to know them first? Why must everyone dive into a collar that won’t last?

I’m sick of watching people do stupid things. I’m sick of having standards that are too high, apparently. I’m sick of being the one who is trying to get to know someone before collaring. I’m sick of being the one to get screwed for having standards.

Hi, I am a Domme, and I am jaded.